As easy as 123

Last year when a bunch of new faces took over running our server farm, they helpfully forgot to renew our SSL and then informed us that we would have to sort it out ourselves in future. So I did a bit of searching and found that one of the companies we have registered domain names with in the past offer secure certificates at a reasonable cost.

Despite my misgivings about using them because I think their website is rubbish and their control panel is badly designed and unintuitive, I nevertheless ordered one from them.

That in itself was easy. The only problem was it didn’t work. I emailed their technical support and they informed me that I had purchased an Auto CSR and should have used manual CSR. They refunded the money and I purchased what I was told was the correct one. This was fine apart from the fact that the manual CSR didn’t work either.

To cut a long story short, a number of emails between me and their “support” team yielded no results so I requested a refund and went and bought one elsewhere. Having heard nothing but silence for over 2 weeks, I eventually got an email back stating that they couldn’t refund our money because the money back guarantee expires after 7 days. They then marked the job as “complete” on the support page.

I could have kicked up a fuss but I have more important things to do than deal with petty thieves so I left it alone. But today I received an email stating that the certificate expires in 14 days. It says we will not need to do anything because it will automatically be renewed 14 days prior to the renewal date.

The funny thing was that the email was sent to us less than 16 days prior. Well, when I say 16 days, it was actually sent on Saturday at nearly midnight so I couldn’t actually read it until the day they threatened to take the money out of our account. Money for something we never had in the first place because they couldn’t be bothered to do their job.

Now, I’m not going to be petty and name and shame this company because that would be unprofessional and might get me into trouble. So I will just advise anyone who is thinking of buying anything from a company with such a hideously grotesque website should think twice before doing so.

Not using the gym is saving the planet

I would like to announce that I am writing this article wearing nothing but my pants. As potentially disturbing as this may be to you, it’s actually a legitimate part of my new work ethic.

You see I recently moved into a home office. This means that my commute across the Essex countryside to get into work has been replaced with a slightly shorter commute from my bedroom to what used to be my gym. This perilous journey involves a right turn out of the bedroom door, across the hall and into a nice cosy office with a pleasant view into my back garden. I sometimes have to go left out of the bedroom and take a detour via the toilet before doubling back on myself to get to the office. This adds a bit of time to my journey, but that’s just life.

This move may seem odd to the vast majority of suited up pen-pushers who see a big office in London as a status symbol and wear far too much cologne than is healthy, but it really is the way forward, especially in the Internet industry.

By its very nature, this industry involves being online. Most of my work is online which means I can access it from anywhere that has an internet connection – unless it’s AOL, in which case it’s impossible to access the internet. Ever.

With the ever increasing use of cloud computing, of which Datapartners has been a pioneer, the need to waste precious fossil fuels by driving to an office in Banjo playing country is pointless. So not only am I able to have an extra hour in bed, I’m also saving the planet. Who can argue with that?

Don't advertise. Buy a doughnut instead

I've never been the kind of person who gets ensnared by adverts. This is partly because I'm not weak-minded but also because whenever the ad break starts I leave the room.

Most adverts are just bizarre. I watch some of them and can't even figure out what they are attempting to sell me. Occasionally someone will produce a funny advert; the old Carling Black Label ones spring to mind, although the humorous commercial doesn't stop the beer tasting like fetid urine.

Some adverts are designed simply to ingrain a message into your brains. These are usually the really annoying ones like that Brummie bloke from the Halifax who everybody in the country wanted to choke. The company that buys any car dot com is one that is deliberately maddening and I refuse to even visit their website out of principle. Still, can anyone get that tune out of their head?

Recently, however, I have succumbed for the first time to TV advertising. I have been convinced by a subliminal message through my box to download Queen's "Flash" as my iPhone ring tone. I have even purchased the single and I'm not even a fan of Queen. But I'm still not even slightly tempted to buy one of those Innocent Smoothies. This just proves to me that advertising is, in fact, bollocks!

So as a marketing test I have included a picture of a doughnut to this blog. My hope is that, in future, whenever you see a doughnut you will think of Datapartners. It'll be interesting to see if it works.

Datapartners: Doughnuts.