We are Santander. We are illiterate!

Over the past few years I've been getting increasing frustrated by the standard of English in this country. More and more people seem to be monosyllabic these days and unable to string a sentence together without going “err”, “um” and saying “you know” and “like” every other word.

Writing is even worse. Now, I appreciate how delicate I have to be here; I have to try and write this entire blog using perfect grammar and punctuation so I don’t look like a complete muppet (did you notice the use of the semi-colon though?)

Punctuation is something that can be open to interpretation to a certain extent but there are some clear cut rules that nobody seems to learn at school.

I’ve always had a problem with people who don’t know the difference between “its” and “it’s”, “their”, “there” and “they’re” and “your” and “you’re”. It’s really not that hard people!

Take a look at the letter that we received from Santander recently:

Are you serious? These are the people we are entrusting our money to. I know that they are Spanish but surely they have English people working for them? People who surely had a good enough education to get a job in one of the world’s largest banks.

The letter basically reads “Dear scum whose name isn’t worth knowing. Please find enclosed you are standing still request.”

Come on Señor, que realmente es un esfuerzo de los pobres. Ven a verme después de clase!

Returning after these short messages

It has to be said that I don't watch much television now. There is nothing on but rubbish like Britain's got the Celebrity X Factor on Ice or some similar tripe. Movies are out of the question because anything that is worth watching I already own on DVD and, quite frankly, I'd rather not have a good film interrupted every 5 minutes by adverts.

Whenever there is a commercial break I use that opportunity to make a cup of tea or relieve myself of the last cup. Failing that I just hit the mute button.

I know I'm not the only person who does this. In fact the majority of people I've watched telly with do the same thing which gets me wondering why people bother to advertise at all. Obviously TV advertising works otherwise people wouldn't do it.

The only adverts I like are funny ones but they usually end up getting banned because one person with ginger hair complains. The only other adverts that I appreciate are the ones that have the rare ability to laugh at themselves. There are two companies that spring to mind: Skoda and Marmite.

Skoda play on their old reputation for building rubbish cars by suggesting that hitch-hikers would rather jump out of one on a motorway than be driven anywhere in one. Marmite appreciates the fact that half the population hate their product and this has become their biggest selling point.

As a company that is famously rubbish at advertising itself, I thought I'd give this self-deprecating approach a go for Datapartners. I have a couple of ideas too. You see whenever I phone somebody up I have to say where I'm from. Often people ask me to repeat it, presumably because they hear the word "Date" and think I'm winding them up. When I repeat myself I always say it slowly and deliberately separate the syllables. As a result it comes out as "DATA PARTNERS" which, of course, sounds like "date a partner". I have hours of fun in the knowledge that all my clients colleagues are convinced they are on a dating site.

So how about playing on this? Something like "Datapartners: We're not a dating agency but we'd love your business". I know I'll get told off for we'ing all over our customers with that one so maybe simplify it to "Datapartners: Love Your Business".

This goes even further. We could put ourselves in the classified section with something like "Fun, web based company with GSOH seeks rich, solvent company for mutual satisfaction." Or "Small, fun loving geeks looking for lots of LOL's and cuddly nights online."

So what do you think? Would you go out with us?

Which social networking site is right for me?

OK well given that Facebook is the leading social networking site at the moment and looks set to be for a while to come, it is obviously the most logical place to add your business from a general networking point of view. But is it the right place for your business?

Now, Facebook is something of a playground and is more suited to a charismatic business - like us for example. We mix business with a subtle brand of humour and fun that may not be appropriate for some companies. Take accountants for example; everybody knows that accountants have no charisma whatsoever so Facebook probably isn’t right for them. Also, who would want to become a fan of an accountant? Imagine the status updates… “is loving year end”, “is net of vat”, “is sore from doing double entry…”

So what about Linkedin? This is a social networking site in its own right but specifically for the business world. It is like Facebook but without Farmville, Mafia Wars or those annoying friends who inform you of their bowel movement. In other words, this is the place to be if you are a serious business looking for professional networking contacts.

Facebook is useful for getting your name out there and showing people that you are a modern company who can move with the times. Linkedin is more of a professional service and is more likely to generate legitimate commercial recognition for you.

There are others as well like Plaxo and Ecademy, which are really the MySpace and Bebo of the business social networking scene. In other words they are probably worth registering accounts with them just to expand your reach a bit more but don’t expect anyone to look at it!

So what is my advice here? Well, I would say join all of them. We have!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Datapartners-Internet/104197828014
http://www.linkedin.com/companies/248270
http://twitter.com/datapartners
http://datapartners.blogspot.com

Disclaimer: All accountants are lovely people and super fun to be around. Especially ours!